Coronacoaster The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
The elephant in the Zoom The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.
Furlough Merlot Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
Antisocial distancing Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.
Covidiot One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown”.
Coughin’ dodger Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.
Quentin Quarantino An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.
Goutbreak The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.
Mask-ara Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask. Coronials As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.
Covid-10 The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.
Coronadose An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic.